Bad-Bad Cupid Day Cards

Can I tell you how many really puzzling gifts I have received for Valentine's Day? I don't mean something that doesn't fit, but really unbelievable things that make you scratch you head and wonder WHY?

My husband thinks in terms of practicality and doesn't have a handle on what romance really means. To wit, he gave me a bathroom scale for Valentine's Day and wondered if my tears were of joy, or what. I tried to educate him that one never gives a lady a device by which she can calculate her tonnage. I said that something personal was what would really pay a dividend. The next Valentine's Day he gave me a box of Kit Kat bars and a family size package of Goody hair combs. It seemed personal to him and besides, he liked Kit Kat bars and he knew I'd share.

When a person is romantically challenged in the gift department, you have to draw them a diagram of what you want. On the other hand, you could make it an amusing exercise in the kind of things Bad-Bad Cupid would bring. Romantic as it may sound, see-through baby dolls aren't a gift for you, but guys like to think in terms of just how Fredericks of Hollywood you'd be if only you put on that French Maid outfit. This requires a performance - from you. This is NOT a good gift for most women.

Sometimes the light of your life forgets that it's Valentine's Day and suddenly he can't find a dinner reservation anywhere in town and the stores are closed. So he sees some guy on the street corner selling a not too wilted bundle of flowers. Great stuff! Maybe he'll even pick up a slightly scruffy pink cat to go with to show he's a really big spender. Knucklehead! Go to the florist and pop for something showy and respectable.

Another Valentine don't is to drop into the gas station and pick up a couple of those classy panties shaped like a rose. It simply says, "hubba-bubba Baby" and just doesn't speak to anyone that there was a whole lot of thought going into this gift.

The entire pre-planning thing of Valentine's Day is crucial. If you don't make reservations in January, you won't be doing the dinner and dancing thing on February 14. Guys get busy and then they are out of luck. Lots of guys think dinner at your house is pretty romantic as long as you're cooking. Dinner at their house is better if they clean up and make an effort at a simply but wonderful meal. Chinese take-out doesn't cut it.

I know one young man who gave his girl friend a membership to his gym. So practical - so horrendous! See, he was going to get a couple of free extra months on his contract and then she could go with him and watch him drip sweat on the elliptical machine while her own face got red and mottled. Sweating together isn't a sign of true love.

Chocolate - is it the perfect gift? If your girl friend has been on a strict diet she will not appreciate this. Just steer clear of the whole reference to the diet thing. It falls into the category of the bathroom scale - just drop it and keep out of trouble. If you do have a girlfriend who will eat the chocolate don't go for that Whitman Sampler thing. Anything you pick up for 50% off after Christmas is not good. Girl friends can spot bargain gifts a mile away. Go to Sees or Godiva and even if it's a smaller box, it says quality - just like her.

You can't walk through a store without having heart shaped pendants swinging off every display - even at the check out counter in the grocery store. As such, hearts become clichéd at Valentines Day unless they are at least a carat weight in diamonds. Besides, if you've just started dating, jewelry might be a little too personal and might send the wrong message - unless it's that carat weight of diamonds. Girls can make the exception.

So what is a guy to do when he is afraid his gift won't hit the mark? Think about the girl who is going to get this. Consider her tastes, not yours. If she loves teddy bears, you won't go wrong if you give her one, but if you've never seen a stuffed animal in her house, expect some looks you can't actually interpret. Be carefully with that jewelry if you haven't been dating for very long. If you've been dating over six months and you give her a friendship ring, she'll probably shove you out the front door. Time really matters to women in a relationship. The longer the term, the more expensive the gift when it comes to dating.

No household gifts are the rule of the day. A complete car care set is going to get you nowhere. Even if you know your girl friend needs something like a hand mixer, just don't do it. It's boyfriend suicide. Don't try to guess her size with clothing items. If it's too small she'll be annoyed because she won't be able to model without bulges. If it's too big - well you can guess how well she'll like that.

In short, think before you purchase this Valentine's Day and your girl friend will reciprocate your thoughtfulness a thousand times over. Girls can always tell when their guy has put a lot of thought into a gift, and this may be the one chance you have to single yourself out as sensitive, yet manly.